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whore in my bed
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Thursday, May 25, 2006
5 Days later I realise that I have loved boarding school life all this while so this is a tribute to an amazing 2 years.
Tomorrow will be the last day ever, of my boarding-life here in Cheltenham. However, I have spent the past week living with the parentals in a 'cottage' in Prestbury. Aside from having no internet and no DVD's to watch, the more significant absence would be that of company. There's no Scaz to run to for a midnight smoke. No Chris to cut my lip and inflict various forms of physical abuse on me. No Zaz telling me to 'shuddup' and indulge in experimental beautifying regimes (i.e Fake Tan). No starving off suspicious looking meals.In the idyllic country house there is food,silence, more silence, and yourself.
I have braved being busted for alcohol,drugs, smoking, trespassing and other 'crimes' in my life here.But at the same time, it has been punctuated with moments of sheer bliss (fudge, sun, shopping, alcohol and shortcuts). Conflicts with matrons have lost their bitter tinge and seem now to be amusing anecdotes. (The more significant matron has proceeded to bear a spawn called, 'Damien'.I told you she was evil). I will miss this place so much. I will miss my friends being at my beck and call and I will miss the bitchy tiffs that have become so characteristic of life here.
It's only been 2 years and I almost cried with sentimentality when Mrs Lancashire gave us each a personalised farewell note. Thank god I haven't been here my whole life.
On a less hormonally charged note, the exams are looming up and I count the days to my execution.
Tomorrow will be the last day ever, of my boarding-life here in Cheltenham. However, I have spent the past week living with the parentals in a 'cottage' in Prestbury. Aside from having no internet and no DVD's to watch, the more significant absence would be that of company. There's no Scaz to run to for a midnight smoke. No Chris to cut my lip and inflict various forms of physical abuse on me. No Zaz telling me to 'shuddup' and indulge in experimental beautifying regimes (i.e Fake Tan). No starving off suspicious looking meals.In the idyllic country house there is food,silence, more silence, and yourself.
I have braved being busted for alcohol,drugs, smoking, trespassing and other 'crimes' in my life here.But at the same time, it has been punctuated with moments of sheer bliss (fudge, sun, shopping, alcohol and shortcuts). Conflicts with matrons have lost their bitter tinge and seem now to be amusing anecdotes. (The more significant matron has proceeded to bear a spawn called, 'Damien'.I told you she was evil). I will miss this place so much. I will miss my friends being at my beck and call and I will miss the bitchy tiffs that have become so characteristic of life here.
It's only been 2 years and I almost cried with sentimentality when Mrs Lancashire gave us each a personalised farewell note. Thank god I haven't been here my whole life.
On a less hormonally charged note, the exams are looming up and I count the days to my execution.
She Is Electric X 1:41:00 PM
Friday, May 19, 2006
I can't remember what has happened in this past week. Nothing significant.Except, maybe I got talking to Wil yesterday. I know, big shocker. It is difficult deciding who is the guilty party and whose sins need to be atoned for, and at the same time, consider the possibilty that there never was a crime. No hard feeliings, and no residual urges, it was all cool.
What was particularly remarkable was his affability and the mutual forced display of friendliness; over-compensating for the unspoken awkwardness I guess, but it was great to get talking again. He made it a point to ask when i was coming back,confessing his abstinence from clubbing but expressing his keeness on us clubbing together. With his girlfriend of 1yr and 3mths, most likely.He told me to give him a call when I am back in Spore and I told him likewise, then we had to face the slight embarressment of realizing we hadn't each others numbers because we had deleted them earlier on to mark an end of a chapter. But strange, there is something persistant about this episode that is both stubborn and lingering.
'Can you imagine',quoth a friend,' if you and him had actually gotten together,then XX wouldn't have happened, and X as well...'.It wouldn't have lasted long so XX and X would have happened anyway, except the outcomes might have been a little different.
Anyway,it was not important but it gave something for me to think about for abit other than food. Just the other day I was speaking to my pops and he was like,' next time you want food,just look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself,i'm fat and ugly,ok?' HAHA. He was joking of course. At least I hope he was.
On a separate note, I am looking forward to my trip to Rome with Maddy. This is my first trip sans parentals so I know it is going to be wicked ,or disastrous, it can swing either way. My parents have 'left all the planning to me' which basically means, all the planning rests on Maddy's shoulders. Having left her in charge, we've got two 6am flights with our return flight having the biggest potential for disaster.
11am: Check out of BB
12am: Arrive in Termino/Termini whatever to dump bags
2am: Finish clubbing get on coach
6am: Fly back
Wish me the grandest luck because by Jupiter I think I'll need it.
Anyway, here's something new, I'm trying to cut down. Again. I'm not that serious about it, setting low standards for myself so I will be less likely to disappoint. To all you smokers out there and aspiring smokers, smoking really affects your stamina. I thought I was immune, clocking good time on my runs despite smoking packs but no... Apparently I am not, not anymore at least.
To end this entry: These guys are hot and real funny. Check it out.
What was particularly remarkable was his affability and the mutual forced display of friendliness; over-compensating for the unspoken awkwardness I guess, but it was great to get talking again. He made it a point to ask when i was coming back,confessing his abstinence from clubbing but expressing his keeness on us clubbing together. With his girlfriend of 1yr and 3mths, most likely.He told me to give him a call when I am back in Spore and I told him likewise, then we had to face the slight embarressment of realizing we hadn't each others numbers because we had deleted them earlier on to mark an end of a chapter. But strange, there is something persistant about this episode that is both stubborn and lingering.
'Can you imagine',quoth a friend,' if you and him had actually gotten together,then XX wouldn't have happened, and X as well...'.It wouldn't have lasted long so XX and X would have happened anyway, except the outcomes might have been a little different.
Anyway,it was not important but it gave something for me to think about for abit other than food. Just the other day I was speaking to my pops and he was like,' next time you want food,just look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself,i'm fat and ugly,ok?' HAHA. He was joking of course. At least I hope he was.
On a separate note, I am looking forward to my trip to Rome with Maddy. This is my first trip sans parentals so I know it is going to be wicked ,or disastrous, it can swing either way. My parents have 'left all the planning to me' which basically means, all the planning rests on Maddy's shoulders. Having left her in charge, we've got two 6am flights with our return flight having the biggest potential for disaster.
11am: Check out of BB
12am: Arrive in Termino/Termini whatever to dump bags
2am: Finish clubbing get on coach
6am: Fly back
Wish me the grandest luck because by Jupiter I think I'll need it.
Anyway, here's something new, I'm trying to cut down. Again. I'm not that serious about it, setting low standards for myself so I will be less likely to disappoint. To all you smokers out there and aspiring smokers, smoking really affects your stamina. I thought I was immune, clocking good time on my runs despite smoking packs but no... Apparently I am not, not anymore at least.
To end this entry: These guys are hot and real funny. Check it out.
She Is Electric X 4:48:00 PM
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
I got a letter today!!! *waves envelope feverishly in the air*
It was from Jint and it looked so fancy even Peta stopped me in mid-step to admire it!
(How terribly sweet is the little bunny badge? (Erm, Jint,Are they fornicating or embracing?))
I have been waiting AGES for this and it contained all the fancy pictures we had taken the day I met 'Bryantt'. Jint has this sweet 'motion camera' which takes 4 pictures at one shot; it's nothing new but we had some good times with it. (Hey Jint, where's the pictures I took of the lesbian couple eh?)
Listening to: Beloved by The Working Title- Good Stuff!
We people at the house lead sad miserable lives. When someone has received a fancy letter or parcel it becomes an event in the dining hall- one half expects a truck full of harassed, coffee-reeking paparazzi to appear.
Anyway, with much further ado, here are the figuratively beautiful pictures taken by Jint and I when I was in Singapore. I was drinking feverishly for some reason, I do not remember the cause but it was tremendous fun nonetheless.
This is my favourite picture:
Thank you Jint for bothering to mail me when noone has. Not even my mother. She sent a carton full of Pocky and Hello Panda to my sister but has cunningly left me out. Oh well, where did I put my can of Foster's....
She Is Electric X 1:59:00 PM
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Listening to : Problems - Move.Meant
It's just one of those days where you wake up feeling strangely optimistic. When all your emotions have been distilled and condensed and you're left with a sickeningly clear sense of positivity. It might have been the fact that Miss Thomas spared me a shelling today, (despite the fact that she had, 3 days earlier, banged on Lizabeth in a fit of rage because I decided to skip the CC talk after school to go to a 'party'(drinking)). Or it might have been the DVD's I bought (Keeping Mum/ Thumbsucker). Or my first Iced Frappacino in Chelters. Or the thought of Leaver's Ball.Or the fact that I actually went down to coll on my free afternoon to do work :D Either way, I'm bobbing to 'Vertigo'(American Hi-Fi) and happy.
I feel popular today. Holing myself up in the library for 2hours, I get 4 missed calls and messages online. Better than my usual 0 when I'm pottering about my 4x4 hovel checking my computer ever 2 seconds for a message only to be greeted by my Katie Holmes wallpaper. It reads 'Silent Birth... In Cinema's this Spring' by the way. I'm not a fan, don't worry. Yes. Slim did call, but for the second day in a row I have not picked up (by accident! not on purpose). Oh well, c'est la vie mon cherie.
The bad thing about Summer,is the sudden swarm of Midges flying about like pollen grains and their ability to seem inconspicuous in the distance and suddenly appear in a wall 2 inches away from your face. By the time you realise this, you have eaten about 200 by accident when you were busy talking to your friend about the latest global warming scare, or the tragic performance of Labour in the recent election. This,would on an average day, get me down, but today, I don't really care.In fact, I'm midges-happy and with a swig of sparkling water, they taste pretty nice. I'm just kidding, but I don't know why I'm so gay (as in happy). Must be the hormones.
So, here's my holiday update (for yous guys who even give a damn). I'm staying on in the UK because I have to start my driving lessons when I get back to Spore (god knows I'm dreading it...I can't even do Datona let alone reality). I'm going to my school leaver's ball but the highlight of the night will be C's afterparty where I'm expecting, nay, requesting, nay, demanding, the presence of fit fit guys, and hopefully, with a fit fit dress and a fit fit body (need to work on that one),it'll be a blast.
Must Have Dresses:
Witness.
Gucci.
Specimen A:
It's just one of those days where you wake up feeling strangely optimistic. When all your emotions have been distilled and condensed and you're left with a sickeningly clear sense of positivity. It might have been the fact that Miss Thomas spared me a shelling today, (despite the fact that she had, 3 days earlier, banged on Lizabeth in a fit of rage because I decided to skip the CC talk after school to go to a 'party'(drinking)). Or it might have been the DVD's I bought (Keeping Mum/ Thumbsucker). Or my first Iced Frappacino in Chelters. Or the thought of Leaver's Ball.Or the fact that I actually went down to coll on my free afternoon to do work :D Either way, I'm bobbing to 'Vertigo'(American Hi-Fi) and happy.
I feel popular today. Holing myself up in the library for 2hours, I get 4 missed calls and messages online. Better than my usual 0 when I'm pottering about my 4x4 hovel checking my computer ever 2 seconds for a message only to be greeted by my Katie Holmes wallpaper. It reads 'Silent Birth... In Cinema's this Spring' by the way. I'm not a fan, don't worry. Yes. Slim did call, but for the second day in a row I have not picked up (by accident! not on purpose). Oh well, c'est la vie mon cherie.
The bad thing about Summer,is the sudden swarm of Midges flying about like pollen grains and their ability to seem inconspicuous in the distance and suddenly appear in a wall 2 inches away from your face. By the time you realise this, you have eaten about 200 by accident when you were busy talking to your friend about the latest global warming scare, or the tragic performance of Labour in the recent election. This,would on an average day, get me down, but today, I don't really care.In fact, I'm midges-happy and with a swig of sparkling water, they taste pretty nice. I'm just kidding, but I don't know why I'm so gay (as in happy). Must be the hormones.
So, here's my holiday update (for yous guys who even give a damn). I'm staying on in the UK because I have to start my driving lessons when I get back to Spore (god knows I'm dreading it...I can't even do Datona let alone reality). I'm going to my school leaver's ball but the highlight of the night will be C's afterparty where I'm expecting, nay, requesting, nay, demanding, the presence of fit fit guys, and hopefully, with a fit fit dress and a fit fit body (need to work on that one),it'll be a blast.
Must Have Dresses:
Witness.
Gucci.
Specimen A:
Specimen B:
Chanel.
Then there are the after-party dresses which will be worn by the pool (I'm defying the mini-skirt, bikini top rule). I've only considered one so far.
Specimen C:
Listening to: Everyday I think of Money- Stereophonics
Narcisco Rodriguez.
For the last time, I am NOT a brat.I do not throw tantrums (I just do the occasional whine which all of you are guilty of). This is my prom. I'll splurge if I want to. Don't use this against me.
Please?
Sigh, now it rests on tactics. How to get skinny like Lindsay Lohan / Mannequin in the shortest amount of time possible.
Weapons of choice:
1. The throat -tickler (Hello Kitty, for the extra cutesy touch ;P *Kawaii! gag gag* )
2. The greed- curber (to be placed over mouth in strategic way so as to make it look "hot")
On second thoughts, that might work as well.
3. Your new best friend; The light at the end of the tunnel.
Listening to: Where is my mind- the Pixies
She Is Electric X 6:21:00 PM
Saturday, May 06, 2006
He pushed his keys to me over the table, half expecting me to take them and treat it with some familiarity; chuck them in my bag maybe. I just stared at the 8ball keychain hanging off its polished key ring, ' What?'. My eyes wandered to his lip ring as his lips pressed tightly over it before parting into a smile,' Just help me hold it, I've got too much junk in my pockets'. What could he possibly have. I pushed the keys off the table into my hands and felt their coolness on my skin.
I hate it when this happens.
If on his list of things to do is to make me fall in like with him,he ought to revise it.And his hairstyle while he's at it. "I look forward to pissing you off in 4 hours", I could imagine him grinning as he said that, or maybe doing something random like looking at a pigeon crapping. Whatever I say next is under the category of 'brutal honesty'. The 'brutal' belongs to him and the 'honesty' will refer to my newly acquired skill of 'honesty to thyself'. In less biblical terms, exercising honest self- evaluation. Being honest to oneself does not involve delusion or deprecation but simply, what it means , honesty. I know what I want,I know what I need, I never do things I don't want to do and even if I do them it will be because I secretly wanted to do them in the first place.
How could I like him anyway. He's was scouted to model for topman.
I guess my reluctance for this to happen is because ultimately, in a nutshell, love sucks. Even between friends. You love someone with all your heart only to see them slipping down the slippery slope into self-annihalation with bad boys,bad attitudes and rotten self-esteem. Then you cast your life-line out to them hoping they'll hold on only to be disappointed when they let go and skid over the cliff,plunging into the mouth of self destruction which in many cases, comes equipped with penis and/or reeking of alchohol. Alright, I'm a fine one to talk, but maybe that's because I am more aware of my love for my friends than I am of myself. I most probably love them more than they love me. Theory therefore; love bites back, and hard. I wonder if it is possible to love someone so much that your heart bursts a little and you find yourself tasting a little blood in your mouth.
Speaking of blood in one's mouth, whilst suntanning the other day, I was busy sucking water out my bottle when Chris decided to take a jab at the bottle, resulting in a cut lip. My teeth had a thin film of red over them and my upperlip started to swell. It hurt like a mother but I reckoned I looked pretty cool, in a 'Rocky' kind of way.
I hate it when this happens.
If on his list of things to do is to make me fall in like with him,he ought to revise it.And his hairstyle while he's at it. "I look forward to pissing you off in 4 hours", I could imagine him grinning as he said that, or maybe doing something random like looking at a pigeon crapping. Whatever I say next is under the category of 'brutal honesty'. The 'brutal' belongs to him and the 'honesty' will refer to my newly acquired skill of 'honesty to thyself'. In less biblical terms, exercising honest self- evaluation. Being honest to oneself does not involve delusion or deprecation but simply, what it means , honesty. I know what I want,I know what I need, I never do things I don't want to do and even if I do them it will be because I secretly wanted to do them in the first place.
How could I like him anyway. He's was scouted to model for topman.
I guess my reluctance for this to happen is because ultimately, in a nutshell, love sucks. Even between friends. You love someone with all your heart only to see them slipping down the slippery slope into self-annihalation with bad boys,bad attitudes and rotten self-esteem. Then you cast your life-line out to them hoping they'll hold on only to be disappointed when they let go and skid over the cliff,plunging into the mouth of self destruction which in many cases, comes equipped with penis and/or reeking of alchohol. Alright, I'm a fine one to talk, but maybe that's because I am more aware of my love for my friends than I am of myself. I most probably love them more than they love me. Theory therefore; love bites back, and hard. I wonder if it is possible to love someone so much that your heart bursts a little and you find yourself tasting a little blood in your mouth.
Speaking of blood in one's mouth, whilst suntanning the other day, I was busy sucking water out my bottle when Chris decided to take a jab at the bottle, resulting in a cut lip. My teeth had a thin film of red over them and my upperlip started to swell. It hurt like a mother but I reckoned I looked pretty cool, in a 'Rocky' kind of way.
She Is Electric X 4:51:00 PM
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Everything is so much brighter in Spring. The classrooms are heating up into sauna's. The large window panes in class magnify the rays of sunlight into burning beams of heat, roasting us hot and crispy. Even the pubs have opened up their musty caverns to the streets, displaying technicoloured schnapps resting on glistening beds of ice to parched passersby. I am jealous that the exams have yet to be done and I have to be cooped up in the depths of my room staring at history dates and archaic sculpture. Someone just do my exams for me.
Then there is the occasional moment (or days), where the mind wanders, and I fool myself into thinking I've done enough work and I couldn't possibly fit another fact into my thudding cranium. Like yesterday for example. Donning flip flops, my cool shades, a light chiffon top and trackie bums I hit the town with Maddy to 'look at travel guides' for our summer trip to Rome. Yes baby! Roma here we come! Following that, it was drinks with hannah and ,in her words 'the men'.
The sun was positively brilliant, shining through the grubby windows of the Restoration. The guys were seated near the door on some big old couch, which was good. Hannah was pissed out of her skull at 5.30 pm (She had been drinking since 2).
I met up with the band members of Another Downfall ,which I hope,will be the next big thing so I can tell people I'm 'with the band' . One of its members,Slim was especially animated. The first to lean forward to shake my hand and perfectly content to talk about his mad love for the guitar (he plays the lead), I couldn't help thinking him to be the next big thing.We imagine, but we never believe there would be a day where one would meet a beer-chugging-rift-twanging scenester, in a pub to say the least.
Appreciating the secksy weather today, Hannah and I snuck back to the house to get changed for the Beer Gardens. Grabbing Sunnies, a Sandwich, a bottle of Sparkling Water and a trusty pack of Menthols, we ran off to the garden in bright spirits.
There is nothing much going on in my life therefore, other than Sun, Stress and Amps. I don't pretend to live a life of decadence and glamour (for now anyway), but I met a potential rockstar and hopefully, I will get the chance to be almost famous.
Then there is the occasional moment (or days), where the mind wanders, and I fool myself into thinking I've done enough work and I couldn't possibly fit another fact into my thudding cranium. Like yesterday for example. Donning flip flops, my cool shades, a light chiffon top and trackie bums I hit the town with Maddy to 'look at travel guides' for our summer trip to Rome. Yes baby! Roma here we come! Following that, it was drinks with hannah and ,in her words 'the men'.
The sun was positively brilliant, shining through the grubby windows of the Restoration. The guys were seated near the door on some big old couch, which was good. Hannah was pissed out of her skull at 5.30 pm (She had been drinking since 2).
I met up with the band members of Another Downfall ,which I hope,will be the next big thing so I can tell people I'm 'with the band' . One of its members,Slim was especially animated. The first to lean forward to shake my hand and perfectly content to talk about his mad love for the guitar (he plays the lead), I couldn't help thinking him to be the next big thing.We imagine, but we never believe there would be a day where one would meet a beer-chugging-rift-twanging scenester, in a pub to say the least.
Appreciating the secksy weather today, Hannah and I snuck back to the house to get changed for the Beer Gardens. Grabbing Sunnies, a Sandwich, a bottle of Sparkling Water and a trusty pack of Menthols, we ran off to the garden in bright spirits.
There is nothing much going on in my life therefore, other than Sun, Stress and Amps. I don't pretend to live a life of decadence and glamour (for now anyway), but I met a potential rockstar and hopefully, I will get the chance to be almost famous.
She Is Electric X 1:45:00 PM