Darling Contagion
must be a devil between us
or whores in my head
whores at the door
whore in my bed
but hey
where have you been
if you go i will surely die
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Sunday, March 19, 2006
It was St Pat's day this friday, and seeing as the races were on ,we were gated and were left to our own devices. Bad idea.
Other than that evil £1 bottle of pure, unadulterated headrushes, it was a rather peaceful night. I serenaded Anna with my newly acquired guitar-playing skills. (Sh, don't tell anita, she knows nothing of this. ) When A snuck the bottle of heavenly nectar out of her ominous black Chloe Paddington I squealed in glee, it was the best surprise anyone had given me in some time. It is upon some reflection that I realise what a sinister turn my life has taken since this year. I remember when 'fun' was associated with knee-grazing, head spinning delirium. Now it is more of how much I can separate myself from reality through intoxication and similar poisons. Is this as good as it gets?
Needless to say, when Saturday reared its sinister head around the corner, the pressure was on. It began with being subjected to an hour of slow-death by Class Civ radio. It was basically a long, painful debate about Aeschylus' Oresteia. Honestly, who cares if ancient greeks minded sitting for 9hours straight watching a tragedy trilogy, it's not like you're the one sitting there right? Who cares if Clytemnestra is evil or not? I'm just fecking BORED! Ooh, shucks, there's lint on my jumper... God I hate C... Man, my classmates suck... My it's cold today... Cool screensaver....
Thankfully, things picked up in the evening. Headed down to Yates' and danced like there was no tomorrow, till my tank went semi- transparent, and till I couldn't breathe.
To say that I had absolute mindblowing fun would be a lie. I probably had more fun trying to find a pair of heels to match my ensemble than I did out. It's all the same after awhile.There will always be new jokes to crack, new people to meet, new camera's spying on you (big brother's watching), but the feeling's still the same. We're still the same. The high eventually wears off and reality slaps you hard in the face screaming 'where have you been?!' You sit stunned and sigh, concious of the fact your breath reeks of your chosen poison. And still, we have to face ourselves for yet another day.
_
I have come to realise how psychotic people in this school really are. And then I look at myself and realise I am one too. I used to think I could tolerate her, till I saw her again and her whining just made me want to slap her hard across the face. I've never slapped someone before, but if I could she'd be shitting skittles out her ass. I hate the way she inflicts her insecurities on others. Watching her in the Library I could have thrown my magazine in her face. Instead I just looked down, let her call me darling and kiss me whilst she ribbed the others. Maybe I'm just as despicable as she is. I make me sick. You make me sick. We make ourselves sick.
And then I go back and it's the same thing all over again. I make you sick, you make me sick, yet we still stay together out of habit.
In the dark we could have saved each other, if we saw each other to begin with.
-
Who would have known Queen Christina would have inspired a desperate movie marathon?
Watched Spirited Away this saturday. Yet another movie with reference to Japanese culture and my heart was aching to be there. I loved it tremendously but it made me sad I can't speak a word of Japanese other than Sashimi,Udon and other names of Japanese cuisine. I will live in Japan one day, if that will change anything.
Other than that evil £1 bottle of pure, unadulterated headrushes, it was a rather peaceful night. I serenaded Anna with my newly acquired guitar-playing skills. (Sh, don't tell anita, she knows nothing of this. ) When A snuck the bottle of heavenly nectar out of her ominous black Chloe Paddington I squealed in glee, it was the best surprise anyone had given me in some time. It is upon some reflection that I realise what a sinister turn my life has taken since this year. I remember when 'fun' was associated with knee-grazing, head spinning delirium. Now it is more of how much I can separate myself from reality through intoxication and similar poisons. Is this as good as it gets?
Needless to say, when Saturday reared its sinister head around the corner, the pressure was on. It began with being subjected to an hour of slow-death by Class Civ radio. It was basically a long, painful debate about Aeschylus' Oresteia. Honestly, who cares if ancient greeks minded sitting for 9hours straight watching a tragedy trilogy, it's not like you're the one sitting there right? Who cares if Clytemnestra is evil or not? I'm just fecking BORED! Ooh, shucks, there's lint on my jumper... God I hate C... Man, my classmates suck... My it's cold today... Cool screensaver....
Thankfully, things picked up in the evening. Headed down to Yates' and danced like there was no tomorrow, till my tank went semi- transparent, and till I couldn't breathe.
To say that I had absolute mindblowing fun would be a lie. I probably had more fun trying to find a pair of heels to match my ensemble than I did out. It's all the same after awhile.There will always be new jokes to crack, new people to meet, new camera's spying on you (big brother's watching), but the feeling's still the same. We're still the same. The high eventually wears off and reality slaps you hard in the face screaming 'where have you been?!' You sit stunned and sigh, concious of the fact your breath reeks of your chosen poison. And still, we have to face ourselves for yet another day.
_
I have come to realise how psychotic people in this school really are. And then I look at myself and realise I am one too. I used to think I could tolerate her, till I saw her again and her whining just made me want to slap her hard across the face. I've never slapped someone before, but if I could she'd be shitting skittles out her ass. I hate the way she inflicts her insecurities on others. Watching her in the Library I could have thrown my magazine in her face. Instead I just looked down, let her call me darling and kiss me whilst she ribbed the others. Maybe I'm just as despicable as she is. I make me sick. You make me sick. We make ourselves sick.
And then I go back and it's the same thing all over again. I make you sick, you make me sick, yet we still stay together out of habit.
In the dark we could have saved each other, if we saw each other to begin with.
-
Who would have known Queen Christina would have inspired a desperate movie marathon?
Watched Spirited Away this saturday. Yet another movie with reference to Japanese culture and my heart was aching to be there. I loved it tremendously but it made me sad I can't speak a word of Japanese other than Sashimi,Udon and other names of Japanese cuisine. I will live in Japan one day, if that will change anything.
She Is Electric X 6:55:00 PM